It’s weird. I’m less depressed than what I was last year but I feel so drained. Like I’m trying my best to stay focused and not focus on the bad but it’s hard to stay positive. I have a lot on my plate and I feel like no matter how I try to change my situation, I still have bad luck. Fighting depression by yourself when you have a lot going on is one of the hardest things to do. Like you’re trying to keep your boat floating but it keeps sinking.
My heart is broken and I’m trying my best not to let it get to me. But it’s hard bottling so much hurt. I want to let it out but no one is available to listen to me vent. I don’t really have anyone to talk to, that can help distract my pain.
I really wonder why God is keeping me alive for this long. Why other people have passed away and yet I can still breathe. I guess I am still depressed…I just notice it less.
I think I’m going to be off Tumblr too for some time. I feel like this is no longer a safe space for me to vent and I know most of my followers couldn’t give a rat’s ass if I’m doing okay. It just feels like I’m on this earth existing for no reason.
